I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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