Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
