May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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