i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
do herpes really smell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
