Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
