Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
