I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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