can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
