I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
