Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
