I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
