I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
