So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
