The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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