Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
