I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
