i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
