I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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