Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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