so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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