I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
