I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
