It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
