Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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