you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
