; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
why is half of my head shaved?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
