I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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