I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
