He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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