I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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