Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
