Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
