And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
