drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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