It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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