Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
