my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize