I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
