Just cropdusted the office
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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