Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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