And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
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Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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