They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
