dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
