Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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