i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
