Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
