i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
