Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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