fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
