When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
