You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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