Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
