we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
