I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
