You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
