He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
