So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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