I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
