half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
