Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
