Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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